Big Ballady Things
As his third instalment here on Uppers, Mike Travis gives us a run down of his favourite ballads
The clock on your hi-fi blinks 2:10 pm, and then 11 seemingly to taunt you. The girl is on the sofa, drink in hand as promised. You have the apartment lights dimmed, your room mate is out for the night. Thus you enter the TWILIGHT ZONE. That foul no mans land just a little short of scoring but with the ”are yer dancin’ - are yer asking?” routine comfortably behind you. This is the moment it all boils down to. Of course there has to be music. -But what to play? Your head is spinning from the gin & tonics and sheer anticipation, you are haphazardly fumbling through your vinyl’s wondering who the hell bought all these babe repellent records. You can’t let her choose of course, not with boots like that, you’d probably end up with an all night rave to Sam The Sham and The Pharaohs. And since you actually believe for once that this really could be THE girl. You don’t want to scare her of by putting on the Vampyros Lesbos soundtrack and throw yourself into an Austin Powers impersonation. And the Sinatra albums wont do it, you know Old blue eyes always make you sentimental, and you sobbing about past girlfriends would surely make her leave you high and dry. But fear not my friend just log on to Uppers and check this short list out - Songs That Will Get The Message Across. Or to put it in the words of Dusty Springfield; Big ballady things.
I Can’t Let It Happen To You - The Walker Brothers (1967)
Any number of songs by the Walker brothers will work your cause, always keep them close at hand, but this is the real generalisimo. A song so thoroughly infested with bedroom charms it will get your juices flowing in the right way, and in the proper lighting you will come out quite the David Niven of the 21st century.
The song combines porn-soundtrack organ with the innocent trumpets of Burt Bacharach, which makes it sound amazingly fresh and long lasting. The Stimorol of 60s pop!
Suitable for blondes in cocktail dresses.
Nights In White Satin - The Moody Blues (1967)
Goosebumpy backing vocals and over the top romantic flute solo makes this the perfect track for scoring with psyche/garage birds. The facial hairstyle of the Moodies will not help you though.
I'm not making this up kids, this was a top 20 record in the UK in 1967, so a lot of love child's were made to it!. Recorded with Deram's revolutionary Deramic Sound System, a technique conceived to combat Phil Spector's mighty wall of sound. A sadly forgotten mode of recording, which places you right in the centre of things, with a world of music whirling all around you. With the right stereo system this is a spectacular audio experience that will woo any tipsy lass.
Suitable for Peggy Moffit lookalikes.
Breakfast In Bed – Baby Washington (1969)
This one out-doo's the more familiar top of the popster version by Dusty Springfield. Hell, Dusty sings it like Madame Castafiore from the Tintin adventures. This however, is the real stuff. True brown sugar. Don't play this one too early, mind you, it is definitely best suited for pillow talk. Maybe even early mornings after on the French balcony, rapped up in your cosy bathrobes as the sun slowly rises on your precious hours of stolen love.
Best suited for girls who look beautiful 'sans' the make up.
Too little in common to be lovers (too much going on to say goodbye) - The Newcomers (1974)
Ever fallen in love with the wrong girl? She wants you. You want her. She's your best friends girl. Does this sound familiar? Don't worry, this is truly the song for you. The haunting rhodes intro, the grim spectre of everlasting heartache imbedded in the bleak lyrics. This is indeed the sound of doors closing on a love that wasn't meant to be in the first place. This is not a song to be played, but rather a song to be lived. If you ever had to keep it on the down low, you'll know what I mean. The anonymous off the rack Stax production fits the tabooed theme like a glove.
Suitable only for the nicking of someone else's girlfriend.
Comment Te Dire Adieu - Francoise Hardy (1967)
As my uppers.net college Carsten pointed out in his recent run down of commercial airliners, you can't beat the French. French after all is the language of love, and no one ever spoke it as gently and as enticingly as l´asparagus. This, one of only a handful of Hardy songs written by the great Serge Gainsbourg, is clearly one of the greatest records ever for pouring elaborate drinks in time. The arrangement contains more than a fair share of Eurovision extravaganza, and conjures up a vision of endless weekends on the Riviera.
Best suited for continental girls.
I only have eyes for you – The Flamingoes (1959)
Ideal for a spot of slow dancing on the shimmering rooftop, preferably beneath a shimmering aurora borealis. This song is destined to bring out the fumbling, yet immensely charming, Cary Grant-ish schoolboy in you. One of those tracks from those magic radio days when James Dean wannabe's showed there softer sides on blue berry hills all over the world to their Judy Garland wannabe girlfriends. The soundtrack to a million evenings spent in ice-cream bars, marthon dancing the cold war away or the lingering nights spent in her dad’s atomic bomb shelter.
Most suitable for first loves.
I fall In Love Too Easily- Chet Baker (1954)
On the subject of slow dancing, here is one that will do the trick every time. The ideal would be to tickle the ivory yourself, with her on the other end of the grand piano, quoting Sartre. If you lack musical talent and/or grand piano, the album will do just fine. Pour the pink champagne and have a smoke while she enjoys a refreshing bath scented with various oils. This track recorded in 1954, months before Baker got into heroin oozes ambience all over. The heartbreaking lyrics delivered with sincerity and a boyish charm rare in jazz singers.
Suitable for the pulling of French/avant-garde girls
Something Gotten Hold of My Heart - Gene Pitney (1966)
This is a song you can sing straight to your date without a hint of shame. Whisper it gently into her luscious ear, while pouring her the third vodka martini of the evening. A track certain to bring forth your softer side, so loosen that tie, help her take off her shoes and cuddle up in front of the fireplace. (If you don't have one invest in some acid and turn up the radiator.) This is one of Pitney's most consistently beautiful songs, together with Town Without Pity it emphasises the trademarks for big, fully orchestrated tenor fuelled love ballads in the mid sixties.
Best suited for courting the homespun prom queen.
Please Stay- The Drifters (1961)
After a solid stream of doo-wop hits, the Difters, breeding ground for such legendary singers as Clyde Mc Phatter and Ben E King, really struck gold with the Bacharach penned hit Please Stay. The song oozes of desperate longing. You really don't want her to get on that night bus, you want this night to go on forever, for this is the night you'll dream back to when you're 45, fat, lonely and full of cheeseburgers. The drifters recorded countless songs of the same calibre, such as Save The Last Dance For Me and This Magic Moment. Their unique vocal abilities and subtle yet poignant arrangements make every night a night of love.
Suitable for loves at first sight
Walking in the rain - Ronettes (1964)
The wall of sound was always at its most effective when applied to ballads. The slight decrease in tempo allows you to actually spot those 17 guitar players, struggling with that same elusive lick for hours on end. The voice of Veronica Bennet never sounded sweeter than on this epic saga of love at its purest. The glockenspiel lingers between the speakers like her soft lips on yours. Forgive me if I get a bit sappy, but this is just one of those songs.
Suitable for anyone towards whom you have genuine feelings
[Published 31 May 2001]
| Comments: | |
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| Bill Luther | feb 14 2003 10:11AM |
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| I think it's suitable to say if "I Only Have Eyes For You" comes on the hi-fi it conveys one message(to quote Dylan by way of The Manfred's) "well if you gotta go, go now, or else you got to stay all night". Brilliant choice! But Scott Walker is absent!?! No seduction is complete without "Scott 4"! Or hey how 'bout the Peter Wyngarde LP? On second thought maybe not! | |
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| jo | nov 8 2001 3:58PM |
| http://www.theseoldshoes.com | |
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| What about the killa track "Oh no not my baby" by the totally gorgeous Maxine Brown or Smokey "Ooh baby, baby" - but really the Flamingoes win hands down. Great article. | |
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| Anette | jun 11 2001 12:34PM |
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| Well, this girl's humble opinion is you could never go wrong with Ronettes - Walking in the Rain, but if you tried Nights in White Satin this garage bird would fly out the window. And why would you want to make out with 90's indie britpop babes anyway? Aim for perfection, boys, so do I. Recommended nigt time listening: New Dawn - Hear Me Crying. | |
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| Dee | jun 5 2001 8:37PM |
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| I am of the opinion that it's what you enjoy that counts,not who you enjoy!- therfore Richard I'm with you! | |
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| Richard | jun 4 2001 3:33PM |
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| Well Karsten, I'm not Mike but here is an answer anyway - never go home with anyone whose shoes you don't like. That way crises over musical differences are kept to a minimum, since footwear is a mirror to the soul. | |
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| Karsten | jun 2 2001 10:13AM |
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| It´s Karsten with a "K", Mike. But otherwise a respectable list. I have a question, though. If the girl you´re dating only wants to listen to 90´s indie when making out, should you let her? I mean, let´s say I put on some good wholesome soul or one of the classic ballads listed above and she gets all "this is crap, I´m not slipping you the tounge no more". What´s more important, the lovemaking or ones musical integrity? So far I have prioritized the lovemaking, but I dread the day when kisses are exchanged to the sound of Elastica, and that day is probably here soon. Sort me out, Mike! | |
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| Joel | maj 31 2001 6:30PM |
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| What about Jackie Wilson's "Lonley Teardrops"? One of the best records EVER, let alone a ballad.....if everyone would call it that. | |
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